I just hope to start by thanking you all so much again for the help and support that you have shown me over the last few months. It has been a real honour to know so many of you are there for me and I can't tell you how much it means; I just hope that in some way I can tell and show you all how much you mean to me...
Over these last few months I have had a real difficult time. It seems, however much that I regret everything, nothing has seemed to change and in fact, it has got worse. I really can not express how much saddness I feel at the moment and depression has really got a hold on me. Due to the complete difficulty that I am feeling, I have found it incredibly hard to start any form of graphics, or even continue with any any outside work. People's continuing remarks, constantly get me down and no matter how much I fight against it, I really do feel so tired trying. There does not seem to be any question of life anymore within me (I have been actually quite close to suicide at some points and this is what scares me the most...:'[). I have been wiped of all hope and dreams for my life and I am now in this constant depressive state; I keep letting everyone down, even you all on here, and it hurts me to say that I don't think I can come out of this alive.
Whilst every natural thought is telling me to keep fighting, I can't see any end to this. I see so many of you; many with hopes and dreams of what you wish to or have become and it now seems a fading memory of when I was like that. I can't seem to remember any happiness anymore and even when I think of something, it becomes overburdened by guilt and regret for not trying harder, not constantly striving forward and being part of the community.
I just feel like nothing, that I mean nothing to no-one and even though many tell me that they do care for me, I still can't bring myself to smile deep inside.
I just wished to say though that you all really though keep me going, keep me surviving and it is so wonderful to know that you are always there for me...
I hope you all feel that I am always there for any of you, because I am; I really do wish to help you all in anyway at anytime... I don't wish to pull any of you down into my troubles, as I understand that many others have had problems and it isn't right to lower all of you feelings to my level but I have been struggling lately and it has really starting to impeed on everything that I do. However, knowing that there are so many people (who to some extent) have gone through many worse things than me, I have struggled on, hoping for some ounce of comfort in anything. I just feel so alone in the midst of everything at the moment and unknowing whether I actually am, have broken down. I just hope that there can be someway out for me but with every passing day that hope is greatly dimishing.This was a main explanation for my seemingly distant absance from 'DeviantArt' as well as my general slow progress in making pieces. I wish to apologise for any problems caused, to any of you and I really hope that you can forgive me...
I really do wish the best to you all and I do hope that you are all well...
Thank you so much again for all your support and countless kindness. I think I really wouldn't be here if I didn't have it,
Moraled Rain
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Work featured above has been created by the exceptionally talented graphics artist and friend, cowsandwatermelons.
Every piece from cowsandwatermelons has shown both careful planning and exceptional creation. It is always been both a privilage and honour to look upon the work of such a brilliant artist and then really see how I could improve. Both her older and recent pieces show such wonderful skill and it is only this that could have ben produced by cowsandwatermelons. I have always been deeply inspired by every piece from her and I can only hope that one day I may be as good as her. It is such an honour to know such a talented graphics artist who always puts great care into her work...
Thank you so much cowsandwatermelons for everything that you have done for me. I can never expresss to you how much everything you have done has touched me but it really has... You really are such an inspiration to me; you are so special to me and you don't know how much you mean to me. Please let no one ever tell you any different...
